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Eq: Kokoro No Chinō Shisū PDF, ePub eBook


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Title: Eq: Kokoro No Chinō Shisū
Author: Daniel Goleman
Publisher: Published 1996 by Kōdansha (first published 1995)
ISBN: 9784062080484
Status : FREE Rating :
4.6 out of 5

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30 review for Eq: Kokoro No Chinō Shisū

  1. 4 out of 5

    Taka

    Descriptive but not very practical-- The main and only thesis of the book is: emotional intelligence is important. That's it. Goleman spends over 13 hours in this audiobook to pretty much buttress the thesis with evidence from various sources including psychology, medicine, and educational programs. The content is interesting at times but overall, the message got repetitive and I was looking for any useful information to put to use in my daily life from the book to no avail. Unfortunately the book Descriptive but not very practical-- The main and only thesis of the book is: emotional intelligence is important. That's it. Goleman spends over 13 hours in this audiobook to pretty much buttress the thesis with evidence from various sources including psychology, medicine, and educational programs. The content is interesting at times but overall, the message got repetitive and I was looking for any useful information to put to use in my daily life from the book to no avail. Unfortunately the book is very much descriptive and normative, but not very useful or practical. He describes what emotional intelligence is and makes a strong case for its importance over IQ, but fails to make it relevant to daily life. Also, the content is not as groundbreaking as it used to be due to the recent proliferation of studies, research, and books on the subject (which could be precisely because of this book, but I plead insufficient knowledge on this matter). So overall, I thought it was too long and not very practical, but there were still some interesting facts.

  2. 4 out of 5

    Jim

    This visionary book by Daniel Goleman is one of the most important in my collection. I see it as a seminal contribution to understanding the human condition, and a roadmap of practical steps for living better, both within ourselves and with those around us. I begin by recommending the excellent review by Lars - a clear, well-written summary of the major points in the book. Here I will focus on 3 topics from the book: 1) the evolution of brain mechanisms for emotional and rational behavior; 2) how This visionary book by Daniel Goleman is one of the most important in my collection. I see it as a seminal contribution to understanding the human condition, and a roadmap of practical steps for living better, both within ourselves and with those around us. I begin by recommending the excellent review by Lars - a clear, well-written summary of the major points in the book. Here I will focus on 3 topics from the book: 1) the evolution of brain mechanisms for emotional and rational behavior; 2) how these mechanisms can be hijacked in modern life, both accidentally and intentionally; and 3) the critical need for properly balancing emotion and rational thought in ourselves and our society. The latter challenge has given rise to extremely important research and training endeavors, and I believe these will become even more important in the foreseeable future. I see these endeavors as promising and significant career paths for those who pursue them. For more information on the brain systems discussed below, McGill University has an excellent web site, with helpful graphics, background and discussion at three levels of complexity, starting with the basics. The links below are to this site. Brain evolution To understand Goleman’s message, it is important to consider the human brain as an evolutionary sequence. We can think of it as a layer cake, assembled one layer at a time. The important point is that each layer in the sequence was originally the 'executive' in a functioning brain, with no obvious need for a higher layer. We can think about this sequence by considering a frog, a ‘primitive’ mammal such as a mouse, and a human. The most obvious difference among these three brains is the relative amount of cerebral (neo)cortex. The frog has essentially none - just a small bulge called ‘cerebrum’. The major portion of this ‘reptilian brain’ closely resembles the brainstem in humans, where vital body functions such as heart rate and respiration are controlled, plus a cerebellum for fine motor control. The mouse has a relatively well-developed limbic system (discussed below) and a respectable neocortex. But the human brain is completely dominated by the massively overgrown neocortex, which must be intricately lobed and folded to fit within the skull. So what does all that neocortex do in humans? Put simply, it thinks. It makes associations, provides context, and makes decisions to guide behavior in a complex world. Most other parts of the brain carry out simple sensory processing or stereotyped motor programs, or convey information from periphery to cortex or vice versa. Cortex takes crudely processed inputs (mostly from the thalamus) and identifies salient features (speech, faces, odors). By analyzing these features, it provides a rich context for making informed decisions and choosing appropriate actions. Well, don’t frogs need a lot of cortex to process information and make adaptive decisions? Actually, they don’t. They have gotten along just fine without it for many millions of years. The tradeoff is that they can only perform a limited analysis of sensory inputs, and produce a limited and stereotyped array of behaviors. Mice, with a significant amount of cortex, can perform more sophisticated processing and behaviors, and can show some behavioral adaptation (learning). Now here is the really important part. Humans did not lose or replace the amphibian or ‘primitive’ mammalian brain. Basically, they just added really elaborate processing layers (neocortex) on top of them. All of that cortical hardware has to work through lower centers that are, for the most part, quite similar to those found in other vertebrates. A neurologist colleague elegantly summarized this concept for the medical students I was teaching, in a review session for our neuroanatomy lab exam. He pointed to a structure in the human brainstem that assists in fine-tuning motor control (inferior olive). He said, “this structure evolved to help a frog catch a fly by jumping accurately toward the target. We have to use it to do things like play piano and tap-dance. It takes a lot of cortical machinery to get that kind of performance from those cells.” It isn’t quite that simple (of course), but the analogy is a very good one. And this key concept is at the core of Goleman’s magnificent book. Good amygdala, bad amygdala With this evolutionary framework in place, we can consider the relative role of the limbic system (‘emotional brain’), which first emerged in early mammals. One of its key components, the amygdala, is a sort of emotional activation zone for the brain. One of its critical functions is to serve as an early-warning system for danger, such as approaching predators, and trigger very rapid fight-or-flight (sympathetic) responses. It gets direct, but crude visual and auditory inputs and processes them more quickly than neocortex. In effect, a portion of the amygdala sits and asks, ‘should I panic? should I panic?’, like an endless loop in software. These responses are, of course, extremely useful when there is real danger. The difficulty is that, in the ‘civilized’ and complex world of humans, the amygdala can generate many false alarms. Even worse, in extreme situations it can take preemptive control of behavior, and trigger blind rage, panic, or other destructive responses. In those cases, the overgrown neocortex that underlies unique human behavior is left out of the loop. And this is where the trouble starts. By analogy, neocortex is the executive who normally runs the company, but the workers can rebel and take over the production line. Examples from everyday life: I blew up; I don’t know what came over me; I just lost my head. Actually, your amygdala came over you and shut down your neocortex. Truth or consequences Being emotionally intelligent, in Dan Goleman’s brilliant synthesis, means that you understand the destructive potential of emotions, and actively find ways to minimize or eliminate the destruction. To do this, you must put a neocortical wisdom about emotions at the front end of your own thought process – an executive in the chain of command. The job of this executive is to find constructive ways to channel and control both your emotions and those of others. This idea is consistent with the notions of mindful meditation and the best of religious thought. In other words, it is a prescription for a long-term, sustainable vision of human existence. To me, this is the most profound element of Dan Goleman’s vision. Sounds pretty simple, right? So why is it so difficult for so many people? One big reason is that a great deal of money can be made by encouraging precisely the opposite response. Firing up the limbic system to spew out fear, outrage and hate is good for business. Movie and TV producers (and writers) may not know the difference between the limbic system and limbo, but they are experts at fueling emotional responses for profit. In stark contrast, calm, rational appeals to the better angels of our nature face a steep, uphill climb. Fear and loathing are much easier to induce, and much more marketable. Those with emotional wisdom understand that, except in the most extreme cases, fire cannot be fought with fire. But they must also understand that it is easier to start a fire and fan the flames than to put it out. Moving forward To me, a central challenge of our times is to find an adaptive balance between rational and emotional responses in our lives and culture. To do this, we must put the reasoning cortex in charge of our thoughts and decisions – guided but not overwhelmed by emotions. Fail to find this balance, and disaster will follow. This point is stressed by the following quote from the book: “Each day’s news comes to us rife with reports of the disintegration of civility and safety, an onslaught of mean-spirited impulse running amok. But the news simply reflects back to us on a larger scale a creeping sense of emotions out of control in our own lives and in those of the people around us. No one is insulated from this erratic tide of outburst and regret; it reaches into all of our lives in one way or another.” How can these stark realities be reconciled with the urgent need for rational policy decisions, in a world that hovers on the edge of economic and environmental disaster? Another quote: “This book is a guide to making sense of the senselessness… I have been struck by two opposing trends, one portraying a growing calamity in our shared emotional life, the other offering some hopeful remedies.” Only by building on those hopeful remedies can we take positive steps with a definite plan. This is big, important work, and visionary thinkers like Daniel Goleman are pointing the way to constructive steps that can be taken, both now and in the future.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Jan-Maat

    Emotional Intelligence is a book that was recommended to read on a management course that I took, oh, some time way back towards the beginning of the century. The course was taught by a middle aged white woman from southern-Africa. She also recommend Covey's book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, but in my enthusiasm that didn't put me off from reading this, perhaps because of an exercise she conducted with us in which you think of something that you'd like to do but haven't done and Emotional Intelligence is a book that was recommended to read on a management course that I took, oh, some time way back towards the beginning of the century. The course was taught by a middle aged white woman from southern-Africa. She also recommend Covey's book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, but in my enthusiasm that didn't put me off from reading this, perhaps because of an exercise she conducted with us in which you think of something that you'd like to do but haven't done and then trace back the reasons why you have not done this thing until you get down to fear. This resonated with me (view spoiler)[ although I could not get this to work when I tried it on someone else! (hide spoiler)] . Anyroad, thenabouts I read Emotional Intelligence in a double edition with Working with Emotional Intelligence. I lent that volume to a colleague and never got it back, I got a second copy which I lent to my Mother and I never got that back either (view spoiler)[ along with The Way of all Flesh and The Innocent Anthropologist, however since I have also permanently borrowed Mutter Courage und ihre Kinder from her I suppose there is some wider need for a truth and book reconciliation process, or communal book ownership, or maybe a tender hearted acceptance that books can never be truly owned but have a deep need instead to be free to find readers (hide spoiler)] . Finally in recent times I fell across a copy of Emotional Intelligence. The volume was in a bad way, browned and battered. More ready to prop up a wobbly table leg than to be read. The plus side of a book in this condition is that when you stand on a station platform reading in the mizzle as it pizzles down from December skies you accept this as part of the natural life cycle of a book. First treasured, finally read in all weathers and abandoned on a train. Rereading this was a curious experience. I suppose I had absorbed so much from my first reading that reading it again much of what it said seemed self-evident. Plainly my appreciation of the role of emotion in thought had changed so much I could no longer understand and value the book as I did as a first time reader, although I still enjoyed the anecdote about a drunk on a Japanese metro train(view spoiler)[ An American(view spoiler)[ sorry, but of course it almost always is, even though there are not really that many of them (hide spoiler)] who is studying martial arts, on the metro notices an obnoxious drunk coming down the carriage, he steels himself planning how to hit the drunk to disable him rapidly, just as he is ready to strike an elderly Japanese man pops up crying 'oh hello friend, sit down by me' & engages the drunk in conversation, whereupon the drunk soon bursts into tears, no violence required. There's perhaps a parable here about US foreign policy but Goleman is too modest too suggest that (hide spoiler)] . You know how water trickles down through limestone in curious courses and cunning people in search of wisdom pour in coloured water to record how long it takes to flow out – there is something of that in rereading this book. It was first published in 1995 and while some ideas have flowed out in to the wider culture others are still percolating through- Jon Cabot Zinn and his Mindfulness programme are referred to here while we only had a flurry of related articles in the UK press and news over the last eighteen months or so, sometimes the cultural currents take very circuitous routes indeed. Alternatively I could see this book as a Matrushka. Nestled within it the next generations of popular science books, the Malcolm Gladwell one about needing to accomplish 10,000 hours of practice in a given field, Csikszentmihalyi's one on Flow, and doubtless others I didn't recognise. I would recommend it to those who were in the same position as myself some years ago, not bent backed and round shouldered, but schooled in thinking in terms of rational decision making which didn't seem adequate when looking at the surrounding office let alone the wider world, as a first primer in to the hows and implications of emotion in thought from families to workplaces. And as a corrective this is important when one happens to live in a country with elections, jury trials, and a market economy. The assumption of rationality sits alongside explicit attempts to tap into our emotional responses (view spoiler)[advertising, many news stories, films, dramas, politics (hide spoiler)] . Tuning into our emotions, Goleman argues, is the first step in avoiding being entirely driven by them. In terms of history, culture, society, all those big things and what is needed to bring abut change this book reminds me again of water percolating down through limestone. Things take their own time, where and when they emerge is not something that can be known in advance. Looking over this book again it strikes me how twenty years is barely a blink of an eye when it comes to changing fundamental mental models.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Lars Guthrie

    After several years of looking at this seminal work on my to-read list, I am happy to have finally read it. It should be on the to-read list of educators and parents. To learn and to grow, children first need to be ready to learn and to grow. However, how and what we need to learn today can differ significantly from the requirements of our ancestors. Evolution equipped us with an early warning system, the limbic system of our brains and its marvelous filter, the amygdala. This system connects se After several years of looking at this seminal work on my to-read list, I am happy to have finally read it. It should be on the to-read list of educators and parents. To learn and to grow, children first need to be ready to learn and to grow. However, how and what we need to learn today can differ significantly from the requirements of our ancestors. Evolution equipped us with an early warning system, the limbic system of our brains and its marvelous filter, the amygdala. This system connects sensory perception to emotional reactions based on experiences encountered in environments where survival depended on immediate and intense responses--fight or flight. When you are hunting a woolly mammoth or being hunted by a saber-toothed tiger, careful analysis can be less helpful than a rush of adrenaline-filled momentum. Fortunately, evolution has also met more modern-day needs. The limbic core of our brains is surrounded by the neo-cortex. The front part of this add-on to human brains, which continues to grow after birth, is larger than in other animals, and highly malleable. The way this area develops is the key to emotional intelligence. The proficiency with which we identify and deal with the emotions engendered in the limbic system is the measure of how well we can avoid becoming victims of what Goleman terms 'emotional hijacking.' It would be futile to try to suppress these emotions entirely, he tells us, but success or failure in monitoring and controlling them is the yardstick of emotional intelligence. Genetics, Goleman believes, do play a part here. The very outlooks with which we are born, optimistic or pessimistic, indicate obvious propensities for high or low emotional intelligence. The incredible plasticity of our brains, though, means we are not prisoners of nature. If we consciously develop those neural pathways to the parts of our brains associated with attending to emotions, we can strengthen a 'self-aware' style of managing them that Goleman notes is so much more effective than what he calls 'engulfed' and 'accepting' styles. While recent studies have indicated the remarkable adaptability of the brain into old age, it is during childhood and adolescence, Goleman notes, where we have the largest 'windows of opportunity.' Since 'Emotional Intelligence' first came out fifteen years ago, 'emotional literacy' has earned a place in the curriculum of many schools. Reading the book strengthened my desire for a continuation of this trend. Without emotional intelligence, we are susceptible to 'flooding' where an emotional response such as anger generates more anger. Goleman's description of the biology here is fascinating. Anger is amplified as our brains release catecholamines, neurotransmitters that keep the nervous system ramped up and raring to go. When children are 'flooded,' they can not be good students. 'A child's readiness for school,' Goleman writes, 'depends on the most basic of all knowledge, how to learn.' He goes on to list important attributes of that readiness from a report by the National Center for Clinical Infant Programs: confidence, curiosity, intentionality, self-control, relatedness, capacity to communicate, and cooperativeness. 'Emotional Intelligence' is not only a manual for childhood education. Reading it really made me think about my own style of managing my own emotions. In particular, two observations by Goleman really resonated with me. One is that men, it appears, generally have a lower threshold for 'flooding' than women. If that seems counter-intuitive, it's because men often use withdrawal--stonewalling--as a way of dealing with flooding, rather than the self-expression we stereotypically associate with femininity. The second is Goleman's consideration of substance abuse as self-medication. People who are prone to addiction may actually be searching for control of depression, anxiety or rage. The importance of 'Emotional Intelligence' is apparent in the many references made to it in popular culture. It is also an accessible and entertaining book that deserves a place on the shelves of those concerned with learning and the brain.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Andrew

    It certainly contains a lot of useful info, but boy, is it ever dense! Reading it is like hacking your way through a dense jungle with a dull machete. It must also be noted that it is most definitely of the school of 80's/90's "hard-wired" thinking about the brain, and hard-sells the view that, to put it simply, mind comes from brain, and not the other way around. In other words, nature, not nurture. (For comparison, try Sharon Begley's Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain, which, oddly enough, ha It certainly contains a lot of useful info, but boy, is it ever dense! Reading it is like hacking your way through a dense jungle with a dull machete. It must also be noted that it is most definitely of the school of 80's/90's "hard-wired" thinking about the brain, and hard-sells the view that, to put it simply, mind comes from brain, and not the other way around. In other words, nature, not nurture. (For comparison, try Sharon Begley's Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain, which, oddly enough, has a preface by Goleman.) A further note: I get the distinct impression that Goleman doesn't really like people that don't "fit in". There is little sympathy or compassion for anyone who is a little "different", or not accepted by their peers, and there's a negative tone directed toward social outcasts in general, even those who happen to be children (Sample subheading from the book: "The Making Of A Social Incompetent").

  6. 5 out of 5

    Tina

    I read this book after a big break up and it really opened my eyes to how I contributed to that break up. It's extremely important to have emotional intelligence and this is a fascinating discussion behind the theory and science of EI.

  7. 4 out of 5

    د. حمدان

    ذكاء المشاعر – دانيال غولمان دانيال غولمان هو أخصائي نفسي أمريكي من مواليد عام 1946 كان يكتب عن الدماغ وعلوم السلوك بشكل دوري في جريدة النيويورك تايمز وقد حقق كتابه هذا والذي نشر عام 1995 نجاحاً ساحقاً.. وتصدر لوائح الأكثر مبيعاً لفترة طويلة. يتحدث الكتاب والذي أعتبر كتاباً ثورياً في زمنه. عن كون الذكاء العاطفي.. أو ذكاء المشاعر هو أحد معايير النجاح للفرد. وهذا أمرٌ ينسف الفكرة السائدة عن معدل ذكاء الفرد بكونه المعيار الوحيد المحدد لقدرة الفرد على النجاح. وجدتُ شيئاً غريباً فيما يخص النسخة العربية ذكاء المشاعر – دانيال غولمان دانيال غولمان هو أخصائي نفسي أمريكي من مواليد عام 1946 كان يكتب عن الدماغ وعلوم السلوك بشكل دوري في جريدة النيويورك تايمز وقد حقق كتابه هذا والذي نشر عام 1995 نجاحاً ساحقاً.. وتصدر لوائح الأكثر مبيعاً لفترة طويلة. يتحدث الكتاب والذي أعتبر كتاباً ثورياً في زمنه. عن كون الذكاء العاطفي.. أو ذكاء المشاعر هو أحد معايير النجاح للفرد. وهذا أمرٌ ينسف الفكرة السائدة عن معدل ذكاء الفرد بكونه المعيار الوحيد المحدد لقدرة الفرد على النجاح. وجدتُ شيئاً غريباً فيما يخص النسخة العربية من الكتاب وهو من ترجمة هشام الحناوي ومن مشروع مكتبة الأسرة. وهو أن الكتاب بنسخته الأصلية يتكون من خمسة أجزاء. بينما النسخة العربية تتكون من ثلاثة فقط. ففي النسخة العربية توجد هذه الأجزاء: المخ الإنفعالي، طبيعة ذكاء المشاعر، وتطبيقات ذكاء المشاعر. والنسخة الإنجليزية تحتوي بالإضافة إلى ما سبق: نوافذ الفرص، والأمية العاطفية. وقد وجدتُ إختزال هذين الجزئين أمراً غير مبرر. وقد وجدتُ ترجمة أخرى للكتاب لليلى الجبالي وهي تحتوي على الأجزاء الخمسة كاملة. لقد وضع في هذا الكتاب، الأساس للدور الذي تلعبه المشاعر بالتحكم في سلوك الفرد الإنساني وذلك من خلال تقسيم ملكة العقل البشري إلى العقل المنطقي، والعقل الإنفعالي. حيث يكون العقل المنطقي بالمفهوم الذي نعرفه عن العقل. أي تحكيم المنطق والسلوك الإرادي. بينما يكون العقل الإنفعالي بالتحكم بالمشاعر.. والسلوك الغريزي إن أمكننا قول ذلك. ومن المهم هنا، أن نتفهم أنه في بعض الحالات يطغى العقل الإنفعالي على العقل المنطقي. عملية طغيان العقل الإنفعالي على العقل المنطقي قد لا تكون سيئة كما يمكنها أن تبدو للوهلة الأولى. فالعقل المنطقي يأخذ وقتاً أطول لتحليل الأمور بشكل منطقي. بينما قد يوضع الفرد في مواقف تستدعي رد فعل شبه فوري.. ولا تحتمل التأخير. وهنا يستلم العقل الإنفعالي زمام المبادرة بما يسمح له أن ينقذ حياتك في بعض الأحيان. وفي أحيان أخرى بأن يجعلك ترتكب جريمة ! بكل تأكيد هذه أفكار ثورية. ولربما تكون الإرهاصات الأولى التي سمحت لثورة القلب على سلطة الدماغ رغم أن هذا الكتاب لم يتحدث إطلاقاً عن دور القلب في المشاعر الإنسانية إلا من باب المجاز كما هو سائد في الأوساط العلمية آنذاك. وهذا قبل أبحاث هيلين فيشر وأرمور وغيرهما. يتحدث الكتاب في كل جزء وعلى شكل فصول قصيرة عن الإثبات تلو الإثبات لأهمية دور المشاعر في تحديد السلوك البشري واتخاذ قرارات حاسمة في حياة البشر بل إن الأمر قد يذهب بعيداً في تنشيط مقاومتهم للمرض أو جعلهم أكثر عرضة للأمراض. وقد بيّن قبل ذلك الدور الذي من الممكن أن يلعبه العقل الإنفعالي في إضافة الإستقرار على مؤسسة الزواج وحتى في العلاقة ما بين الموظفين برؤسائهم في العمل. قبل أن ينتقل إلى ماهية الفرص التي قد تعطينا إياه نسبة عالية من ذكاء المشاعر على صعيد العائلة ومعالجة الأزمات العاطفية النفسية لينتقل أخيراً إلى الثمن الذي يدفعه أميو العواطف وكيفية تدريب الفرد على التجاوب العاطفي ليزيد من إحتمالات نجاحه في الحياة. باختصار، الكتاب جيد جداً ومفيد للغاية. لكنه دسم جداً.. وقد يبعث الملل في نفس القاريء أحياناً بسبب التكرار. لكنه برأيي أحد أهم الكتب التي قد تغيّر نظرتك لنفسك من وجهة نظر علم النفس.

  8. 4 out of 5

    Raya راية

    كتاب ممتع جداً ومفيد يوضّح أهمية المشاعر ودورها في حياتنا. وكيف تؤثر فيها و على اتخاذ قراراتنا و إدارة حياتنا ككل.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Kristl

    I had to read this book for a leadership academy I was in and I found this to be a surprisingly good experience. The book introduces and explains the concept of "emotional intelligence," which, since beginning to read the book, I see is so much more important than almost any other awareness one could have on a day-to-day basis personally and professionally. Don't be shocked, if, in describing the many levels of emotional intelligence or lack thereof, you immediately think of friends, family, and c I had to read this book for a leadership academy I was in and I found this to be a surprisingly good experience. The book introduces and explains the concept of "emotional intelligence," which, since beginning to read the book, I see is so much more important than almost any other awareness one could have on a day-to-day basis personally and professionally. Don't be shocked, if, in describing the many levels of emotional intelligence or lack thereof, you immediately think of friends, family, and coworkers that fit these personality types exactly. Once you begin to understand the makings of emotion and how different temperaments react to the varying levels of emotion, problems of all sorts seem to make more sense than ever before. The book is laid out into easily-digested chapters which the readers can pick and choose through based on their interests in the subject (brain chemistry? leadership? family dynamics? improving one's emotional intelligence?). It will be a better world when emotional intelligence or "EQ" is regarded as much or more than intelligence in deciding the viability of leaders at all levels and in all segments of any organization.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Wafaa Golden

    الذّكاء العاطفي يتحدّث الكتاب عن كيفيّة التّحكّم بردّات الفعل العاطفيّة والانفعاليّة.. أو ما هو تأثير ردّات الفعل تلك سواء كانت إيجابيّة أم سلبيّة.. الكتاب جيّد جدّاً في موضوعه لا بل ممتاز.. أعتقد أنّه من الضّروري أن يقرأه الجميع لما فيه من نصائح وقصص واقعيّة تؤيّد الفكرة التي وضِع الكتاب من أجلها.. ومن أراد أن يسأل ماذا يعني الذّكاء العاطفي؟ أجيبه باختصار بأنّه التّحكّم بردّات الفعل. فكم من العلاقات الاجتماعيّة والعائليّة قَضي عليها لهذا السّبب.. وكم من الصّداقات دمّرت بسببه أيضاً.. فرغم التّعريف البسيط الذّكاء العاطفي يتحدّث الكتاب عن كيفيّة التّحكّم بردّات الفعل العاطفيّة والانفعاليّة.. أو ما هو تأثير ردّات الفعل تلك سواء كانت إيجابيّة أم سلبيّة.. الكتاب جيّد جدّاً في موضوعه لا بل ممتاز.. أعتقد أنّه من الضّروري أن يقرأه الجميع لما فيه من نصائح وقصص واقعيّة تؤيّد الفكرة التي وضِع الكتاب من أجلها.. ومن أراد أن يسأل ماذا يعني الذّكاء العاطفي؟ أجيبه باختصار بأنّه التّحكّم بردّات الفعل. فكم من العلاقات الاجتماعيّة والعائليّة قَضي عليها لهذا السّبب.. وكم من الصّداقات دمّرت بسببه أيضاً.. فرغم التّعريف البسيط له ولكن لا أنكر صعوبة تطبيقه.. ولكن مع المراس والمتابعة لا يصعب شيئ.. وفي كلّ مرّة أطالع فيها كتاباً كهذا أبدأ أراجع نفسي وتصرفاتي وأشعر بكمّ هائل من التّفاعلات الوجدانيّة والعواطف المساعِدة أريد أن أشاركها لمن هو بحاجة إليها.. لا سيّما الأطفال.. فقد آلمني جدّاً تشخيصه لأحوال المجرمين العتاة عديمي الشّفقة وأنّ أحد الأسباب المهمة التي أوصلتهم إلى ما وصلوا إليه هو ما عانوه من عدم تقدير لمشاعرهم وهم أطفال ما دون السّنة من عمرهم وما بعد.. فيذكر كيف أنّ الإنسان عندما تقابل مشاعره العاطفيّة رغم بساطتها بفتور وعدم اهتمام من الطّرف الآخر تراه شيئاً فشيئ تخدم عنده العواطف ويقابل هذا الإهمال بإهمال أكبر لا بل ربّما بقسوة.. وأكثر ما تظهر أعراض ذلك بين الأطفال في سنّ الرّوضة حيث يتصرّف الطّفل على سجيّته دون أي محاولة لتهذيب سلوكه.. وإما أن تعالج تلك الظّاهرة على عجل أو تتفاقم مع العمر ومع اشتداد وقع المآسي العاطفيّة والنّفسيّة والاجتماعيّة التي قد يتعرّض لها الشّخص.. وتذكّرت وأنا أخط تلك الكلمات وصيّة النّبيّ صلّى الله عليه وسلّم لأحد الصّحابة عندما قال لها أوصني.. فقال عليه الصّلاة والسّلام: (لا تغضب).. ولسائل أن يسّال كيف لشخصٍ أن لا يغضب؟!! أليس هذا شعور بشري طبيعي !! وكم وصلنا من الأحاديث ورد فيها أنّ النّبيّ صلّى الله عليه وسلّم غضب في عدّة مواقف وكانوا يعرفون ذلك من وجهه.. والجواب أنّ النّبيّ صلّى الله عليه وسلّم أراد بوصيّته أن يقول له: تحكّم بنفسك وبردّات فعلك حال غضبك.. ولا تتمادى بأفعال أو أقوال يمكن أن تندم عليها لاحقاً حال عاد إليك رشدك وعدت لهدوئك.. ونرى مصداق ذلك في وصاياه لعلاج الغضب.. والتي فيها تشتيت ذهن المنفعل الغاضب عن الحالة التي هو فيها وقيامه بما قد يؤدّي إلى التّنفيس عن غضبه بأبخس الخسائر.. ومع المراس يصبح ذلك ديدن الشّخص وينال رضى الله تعالى والعلاقات الاجتماعيّة الطّيبّة.. فقد ورد ذكر هذا الصّنف بالذات في معرض المدح تأكيداً لأهمّيته وضرورته وخطورته، قال تعالى: (والكاظمين الغيظ والعافين عن النّاس والله يحبّ المحسنين).. ومع المِران والمتابعة في ضبط النّفس وردّات فعلها العنيفة العاطفيّة الهوجاء يصبح ذلك طبعاً في النّفس.. فالعلم بالتّعلم والحلم بالتّحلّم.. والنّفس كالطّفل إن تهمله شبّ على حبّ الرّضاع وإن تفطمه ينفطم.. وفاء أيّــار 2016

  11. 4 out of 5

    Amir Tesla

    Recommended to: If you think you don't have a high IQ and thus, your are condemned to a mediocre life. What this book is about: The apostleship of the book is twofold, Firstly it is to convince you that EQ matters far more than IQ in achieving high levels of success and it does it perfectly through providing N+1 lengthy repetitive case studies. Second, it provides an almost accurate introduction to what EQ is, what elements contribute to a high EQ and finally what the consequences of strength and Recommended to: If you think you don't have a high IQ and thus, your are condemned to a mediocre life. What this book is about: The apostleship of the book is twofold, Firstly it is to convince you that EQ matters far more than IQ in achieving high levels of success and it does it perfectly through providing N+1 lengthy repetitive case studies. Second, it provides an almost accurate introduction to what EQ is, what elements contribute to a high EQ and finally what the consequences of strength and weakness in each element would be Pros of the book are as follows: 1. It fulfils its apostleship very well and by having it finished, (given that you might be hopeless regarding the possibility of one day becoming a highly successful figure) you will be motivated to cultivate your emotional skills. Cons of the book are as follows: 1. In explaining each aspect of the EQ and results of weakness and strength in that attribute, the book is tooooooooooooo lengthy and repetitive. 2. The book is by no means practical and provides merely an overview of what can be done to obviate the weaknesses. Here are some selections of insightful parts of the book: All emotions are, in essence, to act, the instant plans for handling life that evolution has instilled in us. --- When you are under stress, you are functioning on lower, primitive part of your brain while your higher part of the brain (neocortex)which is your rational, conscious thinking mechanism, goes offline, that's why under stress people cannot think stress or even remember simple facts --- At best, IQ contributes about 20 percent to the factors that determine life success which leaves 80 percent to other factors, namely, emotional intelligence, abilities such as: self-motivation, impulse control and delaying gratification, regulating one's mood etc. --- We often have little or no control over when we are swept by emotion, nor over what emotion it will be.But we can have some say in how long an emotion will last. --- The more we ruminate about what has made us angry, the more "good reasons" and self-justifications for being angry we can invent. Brooding fuels anger's flames. But seeing things differently douses those flames --- Distraction is one of the most potent mood-altering devices --- Being worry psychologically gives us the illusion of being in control and prepared for potential dangers (while none actually exists). --- Saddness can be good: Sadness that a loss brings, closes down our interest in diversions and pleasures, fixes our attention on what has been lost, and saps our energy for starting new endeavours. --- Thoughts are associated in the mind not just by content but by mood. Depressed people hence, jump from one depressing thought to another. Distraction would be a potent remedy. --- Good moods while they last, enhance the ability to think flexibly and with more complexity, thus making it easier to find solutions to problems, whether intellectual or interpersonal. --- Optimism and hope, like helplessness and despair, can be learned. --- You learn at your best when you have something your care about and you can get pleasure from being engaged in.

  12. 5 out of 5

    Jim

    There are some interesting things in the book, things that are hard to disagree with, such as emotional skills and self-knowledge are important. I think a lot of people who liked this book focused on that self-help aspect. I have no problem with that. My problems with this book stem from the wider claims Goleman makes for EQ as a mental function. Goleman bases this aspect of his theory on some whopping assumptions. The biggest one is the idea that emotional intelligence even exists. The main asp There are some interesting things in the book, things that are hard to disagree with, such as emotional skills and self-knowledge are important. I think a lot of people who liked this book focused on that self-help aspect. I have no problem with that. My problems with this book stem from the wider claims Goleman makes for EQ as a mental function. Goleman bases this aspect of his theory on some whopping assumptions. The biggest one is the idea that emotional intelligence even exists. The main aspects of EQ he posits (self-awareness, social-awareness,etc.) aren't objectively measurable and there is no proof that they even correlate with one another on a neurological level, which we would see if these aspects were part of a measurable form of human intelligence. Another assumption is that there is an acceptable norm of emotional intelligence. This raises the question, what about people who don't meet the norm? Under Goleman's narrow definition, people with autism, even many on the high-functioning end of the spectrum, would not qualify as possessing a desirable EQ level, neither would the introvert who prefers books to people. It is here that I found Goleman's ideas to be particularly objectionable. There's a whiff of something truly unpleasant here. However, we know that even people with severe autism are able to learn emotional skills. Goleman makes the grand claim that, throughout history, great leaders all had high EQ levels. (As a historian, this made me cringe when I first read it.) Unless one has access to a person's psychiatric records, it is always extremely problematic to make all but the most qualified claims about the psychology of historical figures. The EQ theory has many of the same flaws as theories of IQ. Older IQ tests assumed that intelligence was easily measured and that there was a single kind of intelligence. One frequently encountered people who had low IQ scores but who functioned intelligently or had highly advanced skills in some areas but not others. We now speak of multiple intelligences, seeing them as a skills set. We might be born with a tendency to some intelligences over others, but these are shaped by enviromental factors and can be influenced through learning, rather than something neurologically innate. I'm willing to accept the idea that people are born with a range of abilities to recognize and respond to emotional interaction. I think these emotional responses are learned behaviors to a much greater degree than Goleman would allow. The problem with books like Goleman's is that it presents one side of a very contentious debate, but it might be the only book on the subject many people will read.

  13. 4 out of 5

    عمر الحمادي

    "أي شخص يمكن أن يغضب ، هذا سهل ، لكن ما ليس سهلا هو أن تغضب من الشخص المناسب في الوقت المناسب للسبب المناسب وبالشكل المناسب" أرسطو عندما ضحى أبوين بحياتهما من أجل إنقاذ طفلتيهما عن طريق دفعها خارج نافذة القطار الذي سقط في النهر ، فإن علماء الارتقاء الحيوي يفسرون دافع هذه التضحية بأنه لضمان التناسل والتكاثر البشري وضمان توريث الجينات إلى الأجيال التالية ، لكن الأب لا يعرف هذه التفسيرات الداروينية لأن دافعه كان الحب و الحب الخالص فقط الذي يقوم على الإيثار، مما يدل أن مشاعرنا هي مرشدنا الأساسي الأول "أي شخص يمكن أن يغضب ، هذا سهل ، لكن ما ليس سهلا هو أن تغضب من الشخص المناسب في الوقت المناسب للسبب المناسب وبالشكل المناسب" أرسطو عندما ضحى أبوين بحياتهما من أجل إنقاذ طفلتيهما عن طريق دفعها خارج نافذة القطار الذي سقط في النهر ، فإن علماء الارتقاء الحيوي يفسرون دافع هذه التضحية بأنه لضمان التناسل والتكاثر البشري وضمان توريث الجينات إلى الأجيال التالية ، لكن الأب لا يعرف هذه التفسيرات الداروينية لأن دافعه كان الحب و الحب الخالص فقط الذي يقوم على الإيثار، مما يدل أن مشاعرنا هي مرشدنا الأساسي الأول ، ويشير خبراء الاجتماع إلى تفوق القلب على العقل في الأوقات الحرجة، فمشاعرنا تقودنا إلى مواجهة المآزق ، وكل عاطفة تدفعنا للتعامل بشكل جيد مع التحديات المستمرة حتى أصبحت قيمة البقاء متأصلة في تكويننا العاطفي مهيأة لمجابهة هذه المواقف. غدة اللوزة "الأميجدالا" هي المسؤولة عن السطو العصبي الذي يتحدث عنه القاتل حينما يقول أنه أخذته فورة الغضب على حين غرة، وعندما تم نزعها من أحد المرضى بسبب إصابته بالصرع فقد المريض جميع اهتمامه في العالم من حوله ولم يعد يعرف حتى أمه بعدما فقد مشاعره وتحول إلى كيان متجمد. إن الأشخاص الأكثر ذكاءاً يمكن أن يتصفوا في نفس الوقت بالإخفاق العاطفي والرعونة وعدم ضبط التصرفات التلقائية ، هناك علاقة تربط بين حاصل الذكاء و مستوى الأداء لكن ذلك ليس بقاعدة عامة ، فحاصل الذكاء يسهم في تحديد ٢٠٪ فقط‏ من العوامل التي تحدد مستوى النجاح في الحياة. الشخص الغاضب يفقد قدرته على التسامح والتعقل مع فورة الكاتولامين والأدرينالين والتي تزيد من حدة الغضب وتكون كل أفكار الغاضب قد تبلورت حول الانتقام والنيل من الشخص الآخر في غفلة تامة عن كل العواقب المحتملة ، فيفقد الغاضب الإرشاد الإدراكي ويكون أسير أكثر الاستجابات بدائية و عفوية، إن نزوع الشخص للغضب يعد من أكبر المؤشرات إلى احتمال موته في سن مبكرة والتي تفوقت على عوامل أخرى مثل التدخين وارتفاع ضغط الدم و الكوليسترول ! وذلك بسبب تكرر زيادة معدل نبضات القلب وارتفاع الضغط عند الغاضب وذلك مما يسبب تشكل أسرع للصفيحات في الشرايين ، فالغضب وحده ليس هو السبب لكن قد يكون أي شعور سلبي حاد يعمل على ضخ هرمونات الصغط في كل أنحاء الجسم. تشكل المشاعر يلعب دوراً محوريا في تصرفات الإنسان ، فعندما يتجاهل مغتصب الأطفال مشاعر الخوف والإشمئزاز عند الأطفال فإنه يكون قد غلب مشاعر خياله المنحرف وليس روح التعاطف مع مشاعر الأطفال الحقيقية. الكتاب ممتاز لكنه بحاجة إلى طول بال في القراءة.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Mimi

    The subtitle "Why It Can Matter More Than IQ" is misleading. It should be "Why It MIGHT Matter More Than IQ (provided you're comparing people of similar age, education, background, career, aspiration, social economic status, race, ethnicity, gender, and so on and so forth)." The group that was looked at in this book was executives, and what the author found was that the thing that set these people apart from their peers and others vying for the same positions is people skills. When you're good wi The subtitle "Why It Can Matter More Than IQ" is misleading. It should be "Why It MIGHT Matter More Than IQ (provided you're comparing people of similar age, education, background, career, aspiration, social economic status, race, ethnicity, gender, and so on and so forth)." The group that was looked at in this book was executives, and what the author found was that the thing that set these people apart from their peers and others vying for the same positions is people skills. When you're good with people (and also a good speaker), you reach leadership level positions much faster. Seems obvious, yeah? Well, this book was written in the early 1990s, and while it's been revised and updated since then, the information has been repeated so many times, it's nearly common knowledge by now. (Forgot to clarify this look at executives and their peers is only a small part of the book.) What I was interested, but sadly wasn't addressed head-on, was whether or not emotional intelligence is innate. There's a lot of talk about brain chemistry and the evolution of the brain, yet no discernible answer as to the innateness of this type of intelligence. I get the impression the author thinks it can be taught--he does call it intelligence after all--but can it though? Don't you need a certain (innate) temperament to learn it? I mean, if you don't like people, that can certainly hamper the process. Anyhow. This is a good textbook overall and an easy read as it was written for the general public. Lots of concrete, ripped-from-the-headlines scenarios are used and dissected. So for me, there was a lot of "fluff" (for lack of a better word) to wade through before I found something interesting. However, people who don't have a background in psychology or are unfamiliar with it altogether will find this book a great introduction to contemporary theories.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Gage

    If you're like me, you're extremely leery of anything that reeks of pop psychology. But Emotional Intelligence has no such odor. First, author Daniel Goleman is the real deal. He has his PhD, of course, as do many snake oil salesmen, but unlike these others, Goleman has academic street cred: he founded an institute at Yale, heads up another at Rutgers, and wrote science columns for the New York Times. At first glance, I can see that this book, though written more than 10 years ago, still packs a If you're like me, you're extremely leery of anything that reeks of pop psychology. But Emotional Intelligence has no such odor. First, author Daniel Goleman is the real deal. He has his PhD, of course, as do many snake oil salesmen, but unlike these others, Goleman has academic street cred: he founded an institute at Yale, heads up another at Rutgers, and wrote science columns for the New York Times. At first glance, I can see that this book, though written more than 10 years ago, still packs a punch. We still live in a world, after all, of road rage and horrific, random violence. From my brief inspection, it appears that Goleman describes how the emotional mind is just as important as the rational mind. Its short, pithy chapters are full of anecdotes. But be patient: it is packed with science. This is good, in case you want to get deeper into the subject. Here's Goleman's website and blog: [http://www.danielgoleman.info/blog/]. Somebody needs to tell him to update his mugshot or lose the fro.

  16. 4 out of 5

    imane

    ان الغضب يجعل الشخص غبيا. عندما يضطرب الشخص عاطفيا يفقد القدرة على التصرف بطريقة صحيحة وعلى اتخاد القرارات السليمة. ان الذكاء الاجتماعي والذكاء العاطفي هو سر نجاح الفرد سواء في حياته الخاصة مع اسرته او في عمله. القدرة على التكيف والتناغم مع مشاعر الغير امور جد مهمة. عندما تريد نقد احدهم قم بنقد تصرفاته وافعاله ولا تقم بمهاجمة شخصه وهذا ما يسمى بالنقد البناء. ان للمشاعر السلبية كالحزن القلق والغضب تاثيرعلى صحتك الجسدية وقد تسبب لك العديد من الامراض كامراض القلب والمعدة والامعاء وارتفاع ضغط الدم . ان الغضب يجعل الشخص غبيا. عندما يضطرب الشخص عاطفيا يفقد القدرة على التصرف بطريقة صحيحة وعلى اتخاد القرارات السليمة. ان الذكاء الاجتماعي والذكاء العاطفي هو سر نجاح الفرد سواء في حياته الخاصة مع اسرته او في عمله. القدرة على التكيف والتناغم مع مشاعر الغير امور جد مهمة. عندما تريد نقد احدهم قم بنقد تصرفاته وافعاله ولا تقم بمهاجمة شخصه وهذا ما يسمى بالنقد البناء. ان للمشاعر السلبية كالحزن القلق والغضب تاثيرعلى صحتك الجسدية وقد تسبب لك العديد من الامراض كامراض القلب والمعدة والامعاء وارتفاع ضغط الدم ... لذا حاول القيام بضبط مشاعرك قم بتدوين الافكار التي تزعجك تحدث مع اصدقائك المقربين. ان استمرت في ازعاجك عوض القاء اللوم على الاخر حاول استخدام التعاطف تعلم كيف ترى الاشياء من منظور اخر اما كبث مشاعرك او التعبير عنها عن طريق الصراخ سيزيد الامور سوءا. ان للاباء دورا مهما في الحياة العاطفية التي سيعيشها الطفل في المستقبل اما يكون طفلا متفائلا واثقا في نفسه او طفلا يتوقع لنفسه الفشل لم اقم بقراءة الكتاب بكامله. قرات الاجزاء التي تهمني فقط

  17. 4 out of 5

    Katja

    Emotional Intelligence produced such conflicting feelings in me that I am torn as to what to write about it. For the most part, it is well-written, intelligent and compelling. The messages are simple yet profound, and I have to agree that the importance of social and emotional skills can’t be understated. On some level I think Daniel Goleman and I think in much the same way, and even though the book is 15 years old now, on the whole it is as applicable as it ever was. *disclaimer – angry rant co Emotional Intelligence produced such conflicting feelings in me that I am torn as to what to write about it. For the most part, it is well-written, intelligent and compelling. The messages are simple yet profound, and I have to agree that the importance of social and emotional skills can’t be understated. On some level I think Daniel Goleman and I think in much the same way, and even though the book is 15 years old now, on the whole it is as applicable as it ever was. *disclaimer – angry rant coming up* On the other hand, it testifies to the importance of emotional intelligence, because if I had any less, this book would be lying in pieces in my backyard. One problem is that Goleman quite often makes the correlation = causation fallacy when citing research, which drives me bonkers. Secondly – and this is what really disappointed me - at several points throughout the book, he does one of the WORST possible things a non-fiction writer can do: he catastrophises. He shamelessly talks about the degradation of society, the decrease in moral fibre, and equates rising divorce rates with lower prospects for good relationships (I absolutely cannot stand the “divorce = unhappiness, marriage = happiness” argument – have we not progressed at all since the 19th century?). He cites a study that found children in their teenage years are more moody, secretive and irritable than when they were children – and uses that to support an argument that people are getting unhappier across the lifespan (really? Because that sounds like ADOLESCENCE to me). What makes the doomsday predictions particularly embarrassing is the statistics he cites regarding rising violence and cocaine use, stating expert predictions that violent crime among the young would increase drastically in the years to come. Too bad for Goleman that this “crime boom” widely predicted in the 90s never happened, and that the cocaine bubble burst that decade – resulting in the rates of both violent crime and cocaine use in the US decreasing drastically. The simple fact is that if Daniel Goleman hadn’t been so set on his overblown doomsday scenarios, his book would have been so much better – more measured, more reasonable, and much less likely to make me throw up all over it. Truthfully, he didn’t need all the catastrophising about the crumbling fibre of society to make a point for the importance of emotional intelligence – the rest of the book does that on its own. So all I can say is: on the whole it’s a great book, which could have been much better without the over-exaggerated scare tactics - much of which have since turned out to be false (which must be embarrassing for you, Daniel Goleman, but you deserved it resorting to arguments like that). I know that most of this review is an angry rant, but I've still given it four stars because I chose to be reasonable and not let those things be deal-breakers. I really did enjoy the vast majority of this book. Really.

  18. 4 out of 5

    Mahmut Homsi

    I think the best part of the book is when he explained about the five major components of the emotional intelligence as: 1. Self-awareness: Recognize and understand your own moods and motivations and their effect on others. To achieve this state, you must be able to monitor your own emotional state and identify your own emotions. Emotional Maturity in this trait shows: -Confidence -Sense of humor (can laugh at self) -Aware of your impression on others (can read the reactions of others to know how yo I think the best part of the book is when he explained about the five major components of the emotional intelligence as: 1. Self-awareness: Recognize and understand your own moods and motivations and their effect on others. To achieve this state, you must be able to monitor your own emotional state and identify your own emotions. Emotional Maturity in this trait shows: -Confidence -Sense of humor (can laugh at self) -Aware of your impression on others (can read the reactions of others to know how you are perceived) 2. Self-Regulation: Controlling your impulses—instead of being quick to react rashly, you can reign in your emotions and think before responding. You express yourself appropriately. Emotional Maturity in this trait shows: -Conscientious and take personal responsibility for your own work/deeds. -Adaptable (and favorable) to change -When someone is complaining or is rude to you, you do not respond in kind. You respond in a manner which would not escalate the situation. (At this point, you will also realize that when someone expresses anger at you, they’re not always angry at you; they’re often just angry and want to take it out on someone.) 3. Internal Motivation: Internal motivation is marked by an interest in learning. It is also self-improvement vs. a pursuit of wealth and status (as a pursuit of wealth and status is an external motivator). Emotional Maturity in this trait shows: -Initiative and the commitment to complete a task -Perseverance in the face of adversity 4. Empathy: The ability to understand another person’s emotional reaction. This is only possible when one has achieved self-awareness—as one cannot understand others until they understand themselves. Emotional Maturity in this trait shows: -Perceptive of other’s emotions and taking an active interest in their concerns. -Proactive—able to anticipate someone’s needs and the appropriate reaction. -Social Situations such as office politics do not phase one who has a firm grasp of empathy. 5. Social Skills: Identifying social cues to establish common ground, manage relationships and build networks. Emotional Maturity in this trait shows: -Communication: Listening and responding appropriately -Influence and Leadership: The ability to guide and inspire others -Conflict Management: The ability to diffuse difficult situations using persuasion and negotiation.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Thomas

    A great book that delves into the science behind emotional intelligence, the components that comprise the trait, and the practical applications of possessing EI. While I knew a decent amount of the information beforehand as a Psychology student, several points stood out to me, such as the explanation of child molesters' mindsets, the idea that abused children gain heightened emotional perceptiveness, and almost all of the brain-related information. My favorite sections appeared toward the end, w A great book that delves into the science behind emotional intelligence, the components that comprise the trait, and the practical applications of possessing EI. While I knew a decent amount of the information beforehand as a Psychology student, several points stood out to me, such as the explanation of child molesters' mindsets, the idea that abused children gain heightened emotional perceptiveness, and almost all of the brain-related information. My favorite sections appeared toward the end, when Goleman shared success stories of emotional intelligence being taught in schools. One can only imagine - unless he or she works to make it a reality - the collective benefit of bringing social and emotional lessons to every Elementary school and beyond. Highly recommended for those who want to understand not only their own emotions, but the emotions of those around them. You can check out Jim's review for more about the contents within the book.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Alok Mishra

    The book is informative and it can certainly be enjoyed by the readers - serious as well as casual page-flippers. The book has a lot of useful information for the first category readers and a number of interesting facts for the second category readers. I read it somewhere in-between and was delighted as well as informed.

  21. 5 out of 5

    Paul Fulcher

    A difficult book to review and my 2 stars are an honest reflection on what I gained personally from reading the book, rather than what the world gained from the book having been written. This was clearly a groundbreaking and seminal work, particularly in bringing the important topic of emotional intelligence to a wide audience. However, that doesn't necessarily make it a worthwhile read 20 years later, particularly for those in search of practical advice. There is a significant focus on how the b A difficult book to review and my 2 stars are an honest reflection on what I gained personally from reading the book, rather than what the world gained from the book having been written. This was clearly a groundbreaking and seminal work, particularly in bringing the important topic of emotional intelligence to a wide audience. However, that doesn't necessarily make it a worthwhile read 20 years later, particularly for those in search of practical advice. There is a significant focus on how the brain works, but learning that the key to self-awareness is "to have an activated neocortex" may be educational but hardly practically useful. Similarly, advice on encouraging a timid child to be less so by "gentle pressure to be more outgoing" doesn't really need explaining as controlling their "overexcitable amygdala", not least as the recommendation is based on practical observation rather than deduced from the function of the brain. And the focus on including Emotional Intelligence in education of children is welcome, but the book's recommendations are focused more at policymakers and educators than individual parents. I found the occassional useful nugget but buried away - for example, the analysis of how arguments (particularly between women and men) can degenerate into personal criticism vs. stonewalling, leading to mutual frustration. But in reality many more practical books have been written since, including many by the author himself. For a better review on the book itself I would commend this one by another reviewer https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...

  22. 5 out of 5

    Huda

    الكتاب جميل وناقش الموضوع بتحليل مفصل ودراسات وتفرع الى كل المواضيع المرتبطة فيه اللي ممكن تخطر على بالك.. تفاجأت من ارتباط هالموضوع بحياتنا اليومية وانفعالاتنا وردود أفعالنا من الصغر بالضبط من عمر شهور لمن نحس بالتعاطف او الشفقة مع الأطفال الآخرين ومحاولتنا مساعدتهم.. و هالنوع من الذكاء يمكن مظلوم صاحبه في البداية لأنه ما يعرف كيف يستغله وينميه وكل تعليمنا يقيس الذكاء العددي, اللغوي وغيرها.. لكن بالمستقبل احتمال كبير جدا انه راح ينجح اكثر من غيره لأن اختبارات الذكاء والقدرات ما تقيس قابلية المر الكتاب جميل وناقش الموضوع بتحليل مفصل ودراسات وتفرع الى كل المواضيع المرتبطة فيه اللي ممكن تخطر على بالك.. تفاجأت من ارتباط هالموضوع بحياتنا اليومية وانفعالاتنا وردود أفعالنا من الصغر بالضبط من عمر شهور لمن نحس بالتعاطف او الشفقة مع الأطفال الآخرين ومحاولتنا مساعدتهم.. و هالنوع من الذكاء يمكن مظلوم صاحبه في البداية لأنه ما يعرف كيف يستغله وينميه وكل تعليمنا يقيس الذكاء العددي, اللغوي وغيرها.. لكن بالمستقبل احتمال كبير جدا انه راح ينجح اكثر من غيره لأن اختبارات الذكاء والقدرات ما تقيس قابلية المرء لتحمل الضغوط في سبيل التعلم و ممارسة ما تعلمه ولا تقيس كيف يكيف طاقته العصبية والنفسية انها تستمر في الجهد والمحاولة حتى يصل لما يريد وكأنه يملك ريموت كنترول لمشاعره.. الطاقة العصبية موضوع مهم ومثمر للي يقرأ فيه ويتعلم كيف يسخر طاقته العصبية ومشاعره المحركة للعمل و حب التفوق والنجاح في حياته اليومية بذكاء عشان يوصل لأهدافه بالأخير ... إن شالله ما أكون ظلمت الكتاب بالرفيو القصير لأني أعجبني وقريته بيوم رغم طوله 300 صفحة وشيء وكان نسخة الكترونية بغلاف مختلف لكن نفس الكاتب​ هل انصح بقرائته؟ اكيد للي يحب يقرأ شي يفيده ويخدمه بعلاقته مع الناس

  23. 5 out of 5

    Lyn Elliott

    I read this years ago - the reading date of 2004 is entirely arbitrary and I'm writing this at the end of 2015. I remember the essential messages vividly, especially his discussion of why emotional thresholds differ, and the importance of counting to 10 to let the rational brain kick in over the primitive amygdala response. A good deep breath goes a long way. I love the concept of emotional intelligence - very useful in dealing with others.

  24. 5 out of 5

    Γιώργος Κατσούλας

    Αν και κάπως δημοσιοσχεσιτικο (δηλαδή σου λέει πως μπορείς να τα έχεις καλά με προϊσταμένους διευθυντές συναδελφους) είναι πολύ ενδιαφέρον

  25. 4 out of 5

    Stevie

    Insightful book on the importance of relating well with others and being in tune with one's emotions. Poignant Quotes: ...childhood and adolescence are critical windows of opportunity for setting down the essential emotional habits that will govern our lives. ...social intelligence is both distinct from academic abilities and a key part of what makes people do well in the practicalities of life. social competence - how well or poorly people express their own feelings With a complaint a person critici Insightful book on the importance of relating well with others and being in tune with one's emotions. Poignant Quotes: ...childhood and adolescence are critical windows of opportunity for setting down the essential emotional habits that will govern our lives. ...social intelligence is both distinct from academic abilities and a key part of what makes people do well in the practicalities of life. social competence - how well or poorly people express their own feelings With a complaint a person criticizes the other person's actions. With a personal criticism the person critiques the character/personality of the person. XYZ Method - I feel X when you do Y and I would prefer you to do Z Men also need to be on guard against short-circuiting the discussion by offering a practical solution too early on - it's typically more important to a wife that she feel her husband hears her complaint and empathizes with her feelings about the matter (though he need not agree with her). John Dewey - a moral education is most potent when lessons are taught to children in the course of real events, not just abstract lessons Emotional Self-Awareness -improvement in recognizing and naming own emotions -better able to understand the cause of feelings -recognizing the difference between feelings and actions Managing Emotions -better frustration tolerance and anger management -better able to express anger appropriately -better at handling stress -less loneliness and social anxiety Harnessing Emotions Productively -more responsible -better able to focus on the task at hand and pay attention -less impulsive; more self-control Empathy: Reading Emotions -better able to take another person's perspective -improved empathy and sensitivity to others' feelings -better at listening to others Handling Relationships -Increased ability to analyze and understand relationships -better at resolving conflicts and negotiating disagreements -better at solving problems in relationships -more assertive and skilled in communicating -more sought out by peers -more concerned and considerate -more harmonious in groups -more sharing, cooperation, and helpfulness -more democratic in dealing with others emotion - a feeling and its distinctive thoughts, psychological and biological states, and range of propensities to act In the outer ripples are moods, which, technically speaking, are more muted and last far longer than emotion and beyond moods are temperaments. Some emotions follow from thoughts and others precede or are simultaneous with thought Self-awareness - observing yourself and recognizing your feelings; building a vocabulary for feelings; knowing the relationship between thoughts, feelings, and reactions. Personal decision-making - examining your actions and knowing their consequences; knowing if thought or feeling is ruling a decision; applying these insights to issues such as sex and drugs Managing feelings - monitoring "self-talk" to catch negative messages such as internal put downs; realizing what is behind a feeling (i.e. the hurt that underlies anger); finding ways to handle fears and anxieties, anger, and sadness Handling stress - learning the value of exercise, guided imagery, relaxation methods Empathy - understanding others' feeling and concerns and taking their perspective; appreciating the differences in how people feel about things Communications - talking about feelings effectively; becoming a good listener and question-asker; distinguishing between what someone does or says and your own reactions or judgments about it; sending "I" messages instead of blame Self-disclosure - valuing openness and building trust in a relationship; knowing when it's safe to risk talking about your private feelings Insight - identifying patterns in your emotional life and reactions; recognizing similar patterns in others Self-acceptance - feeling pride and seeing yourself in a positive light; recognizing your strengths and weaknesses; being able to laught at yourself Personal responsibility - taking responsibility; recognizing the consequences of your decisions and actions, accepting your feelings and moods, following through on commitments Assertiveness - stating your concerns and feelings without anger or passivity Group dynamics - cooperation; knowing when and how to lead, when to follow Conflict resolution - how to fight fair; win/win model for negotiating compromise Love others - growing in Emotional Intelligence will help me love people better in a way they feel loved

  26. 4 out of 5

    Lize

    When I first read this book in 1995--the year it was published--it was required reading for my job in human resources consulting, and I found it amazing and insightful. Fifteen years later it still has some good things to say, but knowing how we've not only ignored Goleman's advice but actually run in the opposite direction (empathy, anyone?) it just made me sad. The book concerns itself with a key set of characteristics he calls 'emotional intelligence': abilities such as being able to motivate When I first read this book in 1995--the year it was published--it was required reading for my job in human resources consulting, and I found it amazing and insightful. Fifteen years later it still has some good things to say, but knowing how we've not only ignored Goleman's advice but actually run in the opposite direction (empathy, anyone?) it just made me sad. The book concerns itself with a key set of characteristics he calls 'emotional intelligence': abilities such as being able to motivate oneself and persist in the face of frustrations; to control impulse and delay gratification; to regulate one's moods and keep distress from swamping the ability to think; to empathize and to hope. This time around I spent the most time on the section about emotional intelligence in marriage (something I had no use for in 1995) and found Dr. John Gottman's research front and center, where it should be. And the "learn to adapt" theory of child rearing he outlines? I really hope that comes back into fashion one day.

  27. 4 out of 5

    Mon Maryum

    Firstly, I don't agree with the title of the book. One shouldn't matter more than the other but rather, there needs to be a balance of IQ, EQ and CQ. We need every aspect of intelligence and not just have a push-pull relationship like 'This is important but oh, this matters less that THAT intelligence". Most of the contents in the books seemed unnecessary to me. It is mainly the author just rambling on and on about all the stories he heard in all his life of other people (or at least, it seems l Firstly, I don't agree with the title of the book. One shouldn't matter more than the other but rather, there needs to be a balance of IQ, EQ and CQ. We need every aspect of intelligence and not just have a push-pull relationship like 'This is important but oh, this matters less that THAT intelligence". Most of the contents in the books seemed unnecessary to me. It is mainly the author just rambling on and on about all the stories he heard in all his life of other people (or at least, it seems like it) and how that relates to emotional intelligence. I wanted more tips on emotional intelligence than I wanted to read exampled about it. But here are some excerpts that I like. The first one is on focusing on the emotion behind what someone says, more than the content of their message. ... ."TOXIC THOUGHTS The children are being rambunctious, and Martin, their father, is getting annoyed. He turns to his wife, Melanie, and says in a sharp tone, "Dear, don't you think the kids could quiet down?" His actual thought: "She's too easy on the kids." Melanie, responding to his ire, feels a surge of anger. Her face grows taut, her brows knit in a frown, and she replies, "The kids are having a good time. Anyhow, they'll be going up to bed soon." Her thought: "There he goes again, complaining all the time." Martin now is visibly enraged. He leans forward menacingly, his fists clenched, as he says in an annoyed tone, "Should I put them to bed now?" His thought: "She opposes me in everything. I'd better take over." Melanie, suddenly frightened by Martin's wrath, says meekly, "No, I'll put them to bed right away." Her thought: "He's getting out of control—he could hurt the kids. I'd better give in."""".. And this one is just an excerpt I wanted to remember because I've tried cognitive therapy with psychologists and this line made me understand how important it is to keep practicing being mindful of the tricks my mind plays on me- "Joseph LeDoux, the neuroscientist who discovered the amygdala's hair-trigger role in emotional outbursts, conjectures, "Once your emotional system learns something, it seems you never let it go. What therapy does is teach you to control it—it teaches your neocortex how to inhibit your amygdala. The propensity to act is suppressed, while your basic emotion about it remains in a subdued form."" "

  28. 4 out of 5

    Wendy Yu

    The funny thing about reading old seminal books that have already made their point is that your natural attitude toward their genius society-shaking discoveries is "duh" Emotions are important. duh. Emotional competence is a better predictor of success than intelligence. duh! Once you recognize your emotions, they lose their power, as you are more able to manage with reason. duh! duh! Anger works like Super Mario Bros., triggering events in quick succession cause you to jump up higher and higher un The funny thing about reading old seminal books that have already made their point is that your natural attitude toward their genius society-shaking discoveries is "duh" Emotions are important. duh. Emotional competence is a better predictor of success than intelligence. duh! Once you recognize your emotions, they lose their power, as you are more able to manage with reason. duh! duh! Anger works like Super Mario Bros., triggering events in quick succession cause you to jump up higher and higher unless you come down first. duh! The brain's emotional center has a direct connection with your brain's senses that bypasses your "thinkig brain" and goes faster, meaning you literally emotionally react before you can think. du.. hm, i didn't know that. We can always change, but most of the really important formative stuff happened when we were babies. duh! (and booooooo) (pssst...but it's still well written, informative, and helpful) Book dish: comfort food

  29. 5 out of 5

    Fatima abuzaied

    ربما ما ينقصنا في هذا العالم المعقد القدرة على السيطرة على انفعالاتنا ... يتكلم جولمان في كتابه عن علاقة الذكاء وعدمه وفي التاثير على انفعالاتنا ... يربط ذلك فسيولوجيا دماغ الانسان ... فقد اثبت علميا ان الكثير من الاذكياء دراسيا هم اغبياء اجتماعيا... على النقيض هناك ممن اعتبرهم اغبياء دراسيا كانوا اذكياء عاطفيا .. وعليه يرى جولمان انه من الضروري ان يتم تعليم الذكاء العاطفي في المدارس كما يتم دراسة القراءة والكتابة والحساب... يعرض الكثير من المشاكل التي تواجه المجتمع؛ الاطفال,الازاواج ,مشاكل العمل , ربما ما ينقصنا في هذا العالم المعقد القدرة على السيطرة على انفعالاتنا ... يتكلم جولمان في كتابه عن علاقة الذكاء وعدمه وفي التاثير على انفعالاتنا ... يربط ذلك فسيولوجيا دماغ الانسان ... فقد اثبت علميا ان الكثير من الاذكياء دراسيا هم اغبياء اجتماعيا... على النقيض هناك ممن اعتبرهم اغبياء دراسيا كانوا اذكياء عاطفيا .. وعليه يرى جولمان انه من الضروري ان يتم تعليم الذكاء العاطفي في المدارس كما يتم دراسة القراءة والكتابة والحساب... يعرض الكثير من المشاكل التي تواجه المجتمع؛ الاطفال,الازاواج ,مشاكل العمل , ومشاكل المراهقين "الاكثر ضرارا وانتشارا "ويبن حلول لها .. .. ..

  30. 5 out of 5

    Patve

    Un excelente aporte a la educación. Un libro que todo profesor debería leer

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